Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
