she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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