Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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