There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
