I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
