don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
