Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize