is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
