I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
