This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
