I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
