So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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