Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
