My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
