the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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