i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
