We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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