i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
