Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
