She said her name was "party"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
