the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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