Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
