So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
