lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
