So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
