i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
