where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
