We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize