You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We have so much sex to catch up on
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
