I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
