just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
