okay pat passed out under dana's car
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
