Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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