So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
