on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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