It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
