you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize