Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
not ubering you a puppy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
