I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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