Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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