do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
