Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
