you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
