youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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