I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
