I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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