also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All the doctor said was why
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
