In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
