Fuck appropriateness.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
