morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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