More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
