The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
