Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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