He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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