Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
