How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
