she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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