so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
