She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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