We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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