Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
