we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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