my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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