When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
