I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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