i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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