just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
