so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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