Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
