Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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