I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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