I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
