I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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