I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
