i don't like sucking hair
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
