shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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