i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize