I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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