I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
