Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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