just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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