is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
