did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
